Navigating a Dark Place and Reviving Dead Dreams

My Struggle

Hi my Kings and Queens! I know I’ve been pretty inconsistent with these postings but I’m back or at least I’m trying. Simply put, I’ve been in a dark place. I’ve wanted to give up on everything! AND I DO MEAN EVERYTHING! My job, my Mary Kay business, other business endeavors, my schooling, every position I hold, every choir I sing in, and especially my 9-5 job…..EVERYTHING!

Mainly because I feel I have too much on my plate to manage. I am constantly overwhelmed. There’s never a day off. My stress levels have been through the roof. Work is a huge contributor to that, in addition, I also have not felt my best physically. Health challenges, work issues and pulling together my wedding all rolled in together can make anyone feel as though they are losing it. I promise some days I have felt on the verge of a mental breakdown.

I’ve had times where I find myself day dreaming or frozen, unable to gather my thoughts or what it is I’m trying to get done in that moment. Yes God is good! Yes His word is true and Yes prayer still works, but there are sometimes when you just don’t feel like hearing a scripture. Some days you just don’t feel like trying anymore. Some days you just feel like your life would be easier if you would stop striving for so much.

My Reality

If my dreams weren’t so extreme and my life wasn’t so full, things wouldn’t be as stressful, right? But honestly, that way of thinking is not even true. If I have big dreams and don’t attempt to reach them, I would be stressed because I would be diminishing or downsizing who I am or who I’m supposed to be. Yea a simple job and a small wedding might seem like the easy way out, but the dissatisfaction of it would stress me just as much if not more than actually reaching for the greatness.

This reality made me understand just how spiritual dreams really are. Dreams and visions have be placed in our hearts and minds by the one who created us. If it were up to me, I would try to diminish my desires because it would seem like less of a headache, but maybe these dreams and desires are so great because God literally placed them in my heart. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Delight in this context means “please the Lord.” I interpret this scripture to say if I please God, he will literally give me desires in my heart. What I desire in life will be because he placed it on my heart.

I certainly don’t think it means that if I please the Lord he will fulfill the things I want in life of my own accord. The things I want may not be a part of his will, and if not, he would not be guaranteeing to do them. So back to what I was saying, God literally gave me these dreams and desires and I have no other choice than to believe that if I strive to please him that he will make good on his promises. I have to believe that my hard work will pay off. I have to believe its working toward something greater, MY PURPOSE!

My Moving Forward

Now instead of stressing myself because my dreams are so big, I’m learning to embrace them and trust God all the way. I remember one day not long ago I was in my room crying and stressing about school. Some bad news had come through and I was experiencing an anxiety attack. I felt chest pains so sharp I was sure I was having a heart attack. My sister entered my room and began to calm me down. And she reminded me that everything that seems to be going wrong in my life or happening to me, is actually happening for me. This is because my Bible says, “And we know that all things work together FOR good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28).

I’ve since shifted my perspective to understand that things are happening FOR me and not to me. When you say it like that, you regain your power and your control. Stress can’t consume you anymore, because you know it’s working out in your favor. The enemy is instantly defeated when we fully comprehend the power we have as King’s kids. The power of life is in death in our tongues for goodness sakes!

Every day I am reaching, pushing, and striving for more. I refuse to be defeated and consumed with the stresses of others and situations that lay outside of my control. One day at a time, one task at a time, I am managing. Sometimes people aren’t supportive when you just need a minute to gather yourself; especially when they are expecting something from you. I know from personal experience how it feels when expectations are coming at you from every direction, so much so, that you feel like you are not even available to yourself to meet your own expectations.

My Words of Wisdom to You

I’m encouraging each of you to reclaim your time and resources and don’t apologize for it. Reclaim your control so you can maneuver out of your dark place of stress and anxiety and into your wildest dreams. You simply cannot be a part of making everyone else’s dreams a reality and not your own. Back away from some things. You can say “no” without an explanation. If you don’t want to, simply don’t. The main goal is to make sure you please God, fulfill your purpose on this earth, and show up for yourself. Your health and needs matter. Remember that! Love you all and we’re on this journey together.

Check out this song by Tasha Cobbs as this is my anthem for 2021.

Also here’s a previous post that talks more about managing stress.